I have never made a goal

IMG_7271

This picture has nothing to do with the topic, I just like it.

I am not sure why this is, or where i would start if I made a goal. I guess I try for things here and there but if I don’t succeed i don’t feel like I didn’t reach my goal. Maybe goals would give me more direction in life or they would become a distraction on just living…I don’t know. It does sound lazy and maybe overall that is the problema. A goal in parenting? hmmm how about to keep them alive and to teach them how to treat others. What else is there? or maybe I could make a goal of…..I am stumped. I think the goal people have something they are trying to get of course. Grow a company, make more cash, lose weight, etc. Do some people not want to grow a company? Oh yes, there we are. Content with the 2 of us. Yes. not wanting employees ummm yes. Keep it simple as long as it satisfies what you need. Isn’t that ok? or maybe not just ok because most people have a list of stuff they are working towards.

I have a goal of working 830-3 when we paint. If we aren’t done, I leave anyway to make sure I keep my goal. Besides,  we have to come back tomorrow right? I have a goal of taking proper breaks during the day. A moment to scan the fb to make sure I am up to date with others lives. Plus, I have to sit down and drink coffee for a few minutes with nothing else going on.

Go getters have goals, people that want to make a difference or bring change to something…they have goals. How about this? Awhile ago I called the school to ask what they are doing about the vaping that is happening in the school. Like how is this happening? There is one bathroom for every grade in the middle school. That means around 500 kids throughout the day would potentially use the ban Yo…on one floor. If vaping is happening so much in the bathroom why isn’t something being done about it? Yes, a hall monitor is there, but can’t be in one place all the time….which is understandable.But they know the common place. Get a bathroom monitor right? Yes, extra money but seriously these are young teens vaping….seems important to me. Now the goal part. I could make it a goal to make this something that will happen. Go to meetings, put in requests, write letters to the important people, call everyday, etc. Then i find that this is not me, and the problem continues ( I do know the school is actively trying to do something, even though i don’t know what they are actually doing.) So, instead I do what most parents do. Acknowledge the issue in school and educate your kids as best as we can as to why they shouldn’t vape……ugh. Tell your son to avoid the temptation, even though its happening right behind the door, oh and hold your pee cause you don’t want to be guilty by association. Seriously…..well maybe I should tackle that goal of improving the school and trying our best to keep illegal business out of it. As I am writing this I see a real goal being formed. It isn’t me to be so assertive to the school, but why not? what holds me back? Failure? um  I believe I do that every day. Im human and normal, well mostly normal. Motivation, that must be a component as well. My motivation at its best is low to very low. Its always been that way. Maybe that is why I loathe exercising more than anything. Id rather eat lettuce all day than work out, Im fine with lanky arms with no muscle! What do I need muscles for when I have the strongest husband on earth:) Oh right, to be healthy and live longer….no thank you. Im ready for Jesus at all times.

My goals for today

Do laundry, clean kitchen, shower (a chore), work on my puzzle maybe, enjoy the time off with my boys, brush teeth….hmmm. oh and to avoid the nutella which I successfully did for 16 days. Last night I had a cut up banana soaked in nutella and well Brent was shocked to see how heaped my pile was…..I explained, each piece needs a lot. Well a full day ahead….

the slow life

IMG_5599

This picture makes me smile. My youngest sister taking care of some shaving for my dad. He was showing her how to go round and round and we were laughing as she hadn’t done this before. The process of my Dad moving into assisted living has been interesting to say the least. We have watched him age years over the last year and well its new territory for all us. His hands are hurting and numb and he has lost so much strength in his hands and fingers. Watching him do the things we do with ease is sad and hard. Its hard not to jump in right away and help, but if he doesn’t keep moving he will continue to lose mobility. I have had a few meals in the dining room with him. This is also and interesting experience. You see from table to table that your dad is no exception to this crap. Being able to see different seniors at different phases has been quite intriguing. I try not to stare but its my curiosity that I can’t stop. From watching one man eating waffles that have been purreed to the lady that just stares into space, back to another  who sips his water with his hand shaking violently. As i write my Dad is sleeping in his chair having his morning siesta. I keep looking over to see if he is still snoozing and continue to type, and while wondering if his blasting Dragons Den show will wake him up. I don’t dare touch the remote because he will hear it! Ill spend a few days here basically just being a companion and friend. I believe its what he needs. We will talk about stuff but we also have been spending lots of quiet time just sitting…his TV on and my phone or book in my hand.  There is something about just being with each other. I am realizing this more and more and how important it is. He no longer is married and doesn’t have the constant companion of a spouse. His complaints are constant but he just needs to be heard. The pace of his “schedule” is turtle like and all is done in turtle like time. We ventured out to play bingo down the hall yesterday and I was entertained by new characters. One lady made me chuckle over and over. She was rigid and liked to do her own thing….one lady made a remark to her and as quick as ever she said to another lady beside her “isn’t she a pest”….”your a pest”. There was no smile and she was serious. The two ladies had different ways of playing bingo and the one who was playing with the correct rules felt the need to correct her friend. Previously this lady with wit grabbed a cookie from a package of the brand “dads” cookies. She held it up and asked if it was homemade? Another lady told her no it was a “dads cookie” from the maker of Christie. She then said oh Christie made it? So it is homemade?…. i tried to keep the smile off my face from becoming a full out laugh. Life is slow here and my Dad feels the time doesn’t move.Its long, boring, and when you are in pain and uncomfortable time really does stand still. I compare it too having the flu….helpless, weak, tired, nauseous, can’t go anywhere….is this his life now? one long episode of flu?

Conversations:

Me: Dad, do you want to go anywhere while I am here?

Dad: Where would I want to go? blank stare

Me: Is there anything I can get you for your place?

Dad: What do I need? blank stare

Me: are you doing ok here? like do you think this place will be ok/good for you?

Dad: I don’t know how to answer that? blank stare

I smile and say ok:) we just want you to be comfortable here. He reminds me that he will never be comfortable. I smile and reply I know.

Parkinsons is a frustrating disease as I suppose most diseases are. We haven’t been able to stop the progression of it with meds. We will watch in anticipation that it might turn around at some point,but the reality of that is well not great.

This entry really doesn’t serve a purpose per se. Its just me sharing a glimpse of a day with my Dad. There is so much more to say about this whole situation but I will leave that for a different day. Its almost time for lunch and soon he will have to get up so we can head down to the dining room.

 

please spring stay away

IMG_5422

OK. I know I am the minority is not wishing for spring. It gives me the (aing-zitty) as my dad calls it. I don’t know really why sometimes but the more it snows the better I feel. Opposite of SAD, with the seasons that is. The higher the drift the better. I kinda like driving down my street seeing the mini mountains of snow, wondering how much higher they can get. I giggle every time they report of more snow….yes yes yes. When I see the drift going over the fences now that is the best. When the white out conditions come I feel joy. The spree of blizzards and cold weather were making me giddy. I kept saying to myself….I wonder how much colder can it get? Like it was crazy to be outside, but when the weather man says its -65 with wind chill its kinda exciting right? I always think….hmm can we get to -80 then? Another thing about winter is most people have a little blah to them, and generally that’s how I prefer people. Just a tip off your cheeriness does me well. People are sweet little hermits in winter. How fast can you get in the door and close the garage door? Dark at 4pm well I don’t mind if I do:) The interstates are closing? Fabulous. Recommending no travel? Awesome? 2 hours late again? Okay that one is getting old since middle school then starts at 11!! Blowing snow? Thank you. Poor visibility? Yes please. Frost bite in 2 minutes, now that’s fascinating. Ok- I might start upsetting people. Its not like I enjoy winter activities or anything either. Cross country skiing nearly killed me, downhill skiing hurts my shins and I just can’t relax, tubing well how many times can you tube down a hill and hit your butt. I did shovel out a little cave for Nolan and I and well that was fun. Mostly, I am inside looking out at the cold and snow and for that I am grateful. I’ll end my winter excitement with…..looking outside and all is quiet when the snow flies. The best noise, its like life on mute, sounds amazing right? well thats most of winter-quiet…

I start to get the ang-zitty now that March is approaching. Lion, Lamb, what is it going to be. And yes, I hope for lion coming in and lion going out. Ha. Big surprise. The melt that will eventually come is ugly. Everything is slushy and brown outside. The little ones are playing outside (just kidding, I love watching when kids play in any season….not in a creepy way), the dog area becomes poop soup which I am responsible for, the paws that come in are wet and dirty, gravel enters the house, uhhh. Please winter come back.

I don’t know why Spring is so hard. I mean not like so hard, but I really don’t like it when it comes, and most people are beyond giddy that its nice outside. “isn’t it so nice out”? it feels so good! Fine it does-but can we please stop loving it so much…signed the grinch of spring.

I would get into my feelings of summer and fall which are quite mixed but I will leave that for another day. Baseball, camping, patios, Yes these are amazing.

Sidenote:

Now, I know most will assume that I wouldn’t like Winter so much if I had to help in the snow removal. Well, I have helped,but, mostly this winter its all needed the snowblower. The snowblower apparently gets stuck in drive sometimes and Brent really doesn’t want me running into the garage door or his little bug so Im playing it safe rather than sorry. With that though Ive helped clear snow at our flip house…why I am explaining myself to you. Dumb.

this does not make sense

IMG_5469Once again a list is piling in my head…

There is this gym and for privacy and all I will keep their name anonymous. Lets just say it might rhyme with Janet Witness. I do not go to the gym as I would rather poke my eyeballs out. There is nothing I loathe more than physical fitness. But my honey is getting his beach bod ready with working out there along with a rigorous strict diet of lettuce. Anywho are you aware that this said gym has a pizza night?? Yes, a pizza night at their gym where they have free pizza for their customers. Not only a pizza night but bagels are offered once a month too for a breakfast option. THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. This is a gym where people go to at least attempt to get fit….like they need pizza smell in their face while they are supposed to work out! Here lets add on a pound or two by giving you free pizza. Whose idea was this? ALSO, a candy dish full of the delicious purple grape frooties, and tootsie rolls. Again, just a little sugar to keep you on track. This is also a gym where there is no scale to be seen since its a judgement free zone. Good gravy. Yes, judgement free but why can’t someone track their progress at the gym? like the place they most want to track it at. All Im saying is that I did have a short career as an exerciser and let me tell you they at least had a scale for their customers. Its a gym, its not an odd place for a scale. This gym does not make sense.

#2

The beautiful snow above is at a house we just sold. Since its on a corner the sidewalk ends get filled beyond full and I got the job of chopping the snow so we could scoop out the snow since it was already packed hard. The plough does a wonderful job but when it comes to corner houses it licks for real. Since we are responsible home owners we will clear a path and make an opening to the street but it was interesting enough for me to stop and take a picture of it so I thought i would share.  Would it make more sense to not have any corner houses, but just one continuous street or never ending loops of houses??? of course not but I do ponder these lame things as I use up all my strength to lift this heavy snow. Maybe I should go to Janet Witness or maybe more likely I will keep my wimpy arms. Brent just reminded me as his Grandma lived on a corner for years….She would call the city and tell them to clean up their snow….Its not her snow, its their snow..she cleaned hers and the mess from the plow is their snow to take care of:) We really like that one.

#3

Here is one I don’t get. Im reminded every time we go to a wrestling tournament. Nolan is in 6th grade so he is the very last group to wrestle so we are given plenty of time to sit and observe some interesting stuff. I compare it to a dog fight. Both Brent and I had to laugh yesterday…Some of these dads and moms get into like their son is literally supposed to choke the other kid out. I ask myself…Is he serious? Does he really have that look in his eye? He must really want to be on the mat….the little guys are in preschool and the tears, oh the tears. Oh we have another crier or and another one. Poor kids, their Dad says they are ok, slaps them on the butt and sends them out for another beating. Then the kid looks and acts if they are dying from the move that is sprung on them causing their face to turn red, followed by the dad yelling….GET UP!!! GET UP!!!  the little man gets up and runs to his dad practically begging to give up. They say its a rough sport and is it ever. We watch the same scene over and over and we end up laughing it off, but yet each time we are at another tournament I question why are parents making their kids continue this stuff!! Next time I should count the crying kids.Is it to make them “tough” is that what it is? To learn resilience?  I don’t get it. Our son has done tournaments on and off for years and I guess in some ways we have done the same…..encourage him to keep going after he is hurt and the tears are flowing but Ive also let him forfeit knowing he would have to deal with the loss that way as well.

Oh lastly about wrestling tourneys….the loudest ever. Who can yell louder? Work the half work the half, shoot, GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!

#4

Here is a touchy one. Cell phones in school.Why? What happened to the office phone? Is it no longer available? I understand that they are convenient and all but why in school? Lunches are kids on their screens no longer talking, recess is with kids gathered around a cell phone, kids looking up everything under the sun because the school has wifi. Even if there are restrictions on the school wifi kids work around them….again why in school. Can’t they be checked in before school? any free minute at school is on these stupid things. We put a time restriction on our sons phone. He gets it in school but its limited. The odd time it is nice to have him have a phone at school is if plans change….but the good ole office phone could handle that too. Its no big deal now to watch “the Office” with your friends on your phone during study hall….what? why? WHY? Why do we have this as an option? We have been suckered into letting our kids have them in school… not even to mention the amount of bullying that goes on live while at school…..bah.

Now I know none of these really go together but they are all under a category of things to question and things that just don’t make sense to me anyway.

 

 

just snow already

I have been waiting for snow. Our snow levels have been extremely lame for the last 4 years. Its cold and windy, you might as well have it be pretty with snow. I am annoying peering out my window to make sure its still snowing, yes! still is! The more snow there is the better. We are supposedly getting a few inches of snow today, and Im praying that the forecasters could be right this time, last time there was supposed to be a “blizzard” and it didn’t happen. I was mad about it, not joking. I have found the worse the weather the happier I am. Something about snuggling inside and watching the weather is weirdly calming. So….with that…..please SNOW! And i know most people hate it and with it their driving is harder, they have to shovel, ….blah blah blah, i don’t care. Its worth it. And yes, I do participate in the harder driving and the clearing of the snow.

I had a challenge yesterday as I was shopping for a few things….just say Merry Christmas when you check out…..and FAIL. I had atleast 5 opportunities and nope I couldn’t do it. Im laughing at myself and how pathetic this is. My doctor even took my hand at the end of the appointment and said “Merry Christmas”, and Im like “U2”. That one was set up perfectly and still nada.  I wonder with my challenges and why I even give them to myself? I think I know I am capable of being more personal and social with strangers….its in me somewhere. It will happen the same day I raise my hands in church! Ha!

Giddy Up-these things make me super pumped and excited.

  1. I bought a cube organizer thing for Nolans crap in his room. I can’t wait to put it together and for the millionth time organize his junk. His junk is near and dear to him and I would never want to throw away a special piece of rope, or a mini eraser, or even worse a concoction that has been marinating in a some container.
  2. I am going to stuff my puzzle table somewhere in this house and I am going to start a puzzle. My favorite winter thing eva.
  3. A clean kitchen counter, like not a crumb and when you look at it at eye level you cannot see a thing….that kind of clean.
  4. Vacuum lines-need I say more
  5. Christmas Carols-the older the better. Bing Crosby to Mariah I love it. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t like them.
  6. Last-mowing the lawn-ahhhhh the lines, the short cut grass. I will get cranky if Brent does it and doesn’t let me do it.

Grrr-these things make me go mental

  1. living room blankets left on the floor, ahem which they always are. I don’t understand why you cannot just throw them on the couch.
  2. Talking/arguing news channels, the ones with the split screen where two people are disagreeing and both making their points AT THE SAME TIME. It feels like there are more people in my house, and I end up shushing everyone.
  3. watching a child clean up a liquid mess. I watch them closely and they never do the cloth justice by how they “rinse” it out, you can see the left over splatters sitting there.
  4. people that stand too close. Why? i can smell you being that close. I feel like your touching me, just move…my bubble is big, can you not see that?
  5. showers-like today is a shower day which means yesterday I didn’t so today I have too. I drag it out as long as I can…..unless I am going somewhere. I will clean for hours to put off showering. The whole process takes me less than 5 minutes, so once again no comprehendo.
  6. tv commercials-why is everyone yelling? once I can get the mute button pressed I feel like I can breathe again.
  7. nuisance things like going to the bathroom. Do I really need to get up again? clearly I am passed the little ones age when there are way more things that are a nuisance.

 

Mother TeRESA  is it still snowing!!!!!

IMG_2527