i just ate 5 scoops of cookie dough

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this image has nothing to do with my post but I like it as it shows this interesting human we are raising.

Yes, I just ate 5 scoops of cookie dough. I ate a kale salad for lunch so I thought well i need a dessert now, and well like usual a little bite isn’t enough. The sad thing is well there will be more than 5 scoops eaten. A small mishap as Miles was making cookies yesterday…..three of his ingredients required one teaspoon of each. He accidentally used the big T and not the small t. “Don’t worry”, I said. “we can fix it”….three teaspoons in one tablespoon equates to making a triple recipe which equals a mix that is well over 100 cookies. UGH. Im pretty sure these are carb free as I am supposedly watching my carbs. Well thats a load of bologna.

Like many others, I have a food issue….always have always will? That darn sugar is like crack and the carbs oh how I love thee. You make me feel like crap so I end it eating more of you. Then I smarten up and eat pecans and almonds for a few days feeling all great….then I see cheesecake. You may think its not a real issue since I am for the most part on the thinner side, but no, the battle is real-the feelings are real-the binges and remorse are the same, and yes I feel I look fat too.

I like the word transparent as I heard it several times yesterday on a phone call. I believe it is one of my favorite characteristics of myself. No hidden nothing. Want to know? I’ll tell you. There is no extra layer of I have it together to be seen. It takes too much effort for that. Food- I am not afraid to say, takes up way too much of my thoughts. I will eat it faster just to not think of the extra back fat it will provide. Also, mental illness. Anxiety, depression, mood swings I have hours on those topics too. There is a sea of silent sufferers out there…including myself most times. ITs more in the spotlight day by day but it is overwhelmingly hard to treat and to live life with. Its hard too, because often it is invisible to those around you. You can’t see anything wrong often, except a running joke  of my mini pharmacy I run out of my house. Yep well those meds make me who I am too you.

In other news B and I have been watching the series Mad Men. We love it. Its quite interesting and is always the highlight of the evening after we put the littlest one to bed (my baby is almost 12) BARF. I love to love a series. Its a small breakup when it ends but when a new one is found, its puppy love all over. My faves thus far are:

Breaking Bad, Bloodline, The Killing, United States of Tara (hilarious), Orange is the New Black, Shameless, Black Mirror, Ozark, 13 reasons Why, Broadchurch….

And I wonder why I don’t have to read. This is better, the story is being read to you and you have pictures.

These are the series I started and quit caused they sucked according to me, or they didn’t grab my attention enough in the first 3 episodes so they were booted.

Stranger Things,Narcos, Santa Clarita Diet, The Ranch, Peaky Blinders ( i need subtitles), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, MIndhunter, Flint Town, Blacklist (too predictable),

Enough on TV

Enough of this. I have a splitting headache, I have to pee, and that cookie dough is calling  I think.