yesterday was my birthday. Whoop de do, its just 36. I started my morning with my free drink (thank you starbucks), and perused target like I needed something. I did find some clearance gloves for the wild boy, travel size sunscreens, and 2 bags of Nibs (for the boys on the plane). Then I thought the boys ranch would be my next stop….looking for treasures or scanning junk, or both. After I left with a brand new toilet paper holder spring thing I was off to my next place. The spindle thing was .99 and seriously old child how did you lose yours in the bathroom.
Anywho still out looking for a rug. We bought one, used it for about 10 days and returned it…..cause it just wasn’t my style, Brent of course rolled it up and hauled it out. and returned it to the nice lady at the store. Now after the thrift store comes -slumberland-maybe Ill get lucky.
As i was walking in i thought of my oldest sister Carissa and how much I wish she was out with me, lazy shopping. I sipped my starbucks and longed,yes longed, for her to be by my side. I thought of all of the morning coffees we could still have, seeing the cousins for more than a few days a year, fun dinners, I could go on. I then thought of the families I know that are somewhat similar to mine and wished ours was like that. Siblings living in the same city, sharing their whole life together.I made myself snap out of it, put my jealousy aside and concluded it could be way worse.
Then just like that the good ole Holy Spirit has amazing news for me….if he was audible it went something like this…..
“Sarah, I know how much you miss your family, I know you wanted to live closer, I know. I see you. (now the good part). Life on earth is at best 100 years, which seems like a lifetime literally. Do you really want to see your sisters and not have to say goodbye?, Do you want to drink endless amounts of delicious coffee? and laugh eternally?. YOU WILL!!!Your time on this earth is so short, and Heaven, well Heaven is never ending and you will spend more time with your family than you were ever able to on earth.”
Now-that was some good news I needed to hear. I thought of the perfection of Heaven and how sometimes I anxiously await to get there! Im pretty sure I will eat passion fruit until my lips fall off….but wait, they won’t, cause…… its Heaven. As I write I miss my family as per usual and will continue to do so. But, there is a real God and I believe in Him and He loves me and chose me to be his daughter. I believe Jesus came to earth to die for me and my black heart, and that I can never pay him back. It is and was a gift freely given. Life has gone up and down for years, like everyone else, but one thing I know is TRUE, Heaven is going to be my permanent residence. Pretty sure he is preparing a place for me;).
Without faith I don’t know how to operate. Where would my hope be? Seriously, where does your hope rest? Don’t you wonder what is next? I sure have. I am secure and understand all the promises that have been given to me. I can unpack the weighty loads and toss them over to the man that carries all of them…..while giving back comfort and assurance. I look forward to eternity with my brothers and sisters in Christ where perfection is everywhere, including us.
Now-that was not planned, but If you think the above is hokey or silly..I encourage you to see if it is real. Ask yourself who made the ocean and the millions of creatures in it? Seek God. Seek God. He doesn’t turn anyone away for lack of knowledge or lack of living a good honest life. You can start fresh, and concentrate on what He did for you before you think about anything else. Thank Him, I sure am. Im going to Mexico in a few short weeks and we are visiting the best ocean that God made. I will be able to enjoy his creation, that he made for us to enjoy!! I will point the boys to it, and gladly tell them God created this, and everything else.
FYI I still struggle with many things,being a Christian does not exempt you from pain…. depression, social anxiety, I am still a parent of two boys entering the teen years who question what a dildo is, and talk about sperm swimming, and thats the mild side. We fight, we yell, we laugh, and then we yell again. My marriage can be and has been strained just like yours. Shit is a daily word for the wild boy and we continue our best to curb it, again the mild side. Life will continue to go up and down, but when my short years on earth are over, I know where I am going.
OH and the rest of the birthday included a chocolate ganache cake, tons of sushi, and lots of time with my family.