the hole

somehow I dropped into the hole. It came out of nowhere and things were pretty good…which I guess makes sense for it to come. How do you describe angry depressed….irritated, lonely, withdrawn, annoyed, frustrated, silent. My head is hurting thinking of it all. I am choosing to sit and simmer without boiling over, but my comments are getting a little sharp. I am noticing I keep sighing, and taking deep breaths trying to relieve and take away the feelings.

We just finished a successful fundraiser for a mission trip and I could care less. I want to care, I really do, but I am once again frozen to a blah. Praise God for it all, can you hear me when I am yelling this from the hole? Its a heavy dark emotion that pushes you down and I would rather submit to it and let it go then try to repair it. Its too exhausting to work on it and debilitating to be in it. Its a constant fight in my head and it would be ideal to turn it off. For now it stays on and hopefully better times are ahead. I have hope as its getting colder…my mood often shifts…the colder it gets the better I feel. Yes, opposite of the norm.